What do I want?
I just want to drive my car into something hard at high speed, I want to pick a fight with someone bigger than me and just let them go to town, I want to be in a relationship where I am just being used, I want to just fall down dead of a mysterious illness. I want to know what I really want.
posted by Unknown at 2:39 pm
2 Comments:
Hey Sin... I found your blog :)
It's Belinda from the other site.
I must say your depression is quite depressing. Are you seriously saying you want to kill yourself?
I know where you are as I was there a few years ago - depressed, miserable, wanting to die. The earth opening up and swallowing me quickly would have been very welcome.
You have to accept who you are, you have to be brave and strong. If you are open and honest things will work out for the best. Living a lie is what makes people depressed, believe me.
You should try a book called "Choice Theory" by William Glasser (I think that's his name). It really helped me out of my depression.
Hey Jenelle/Belinda,
There is more than one other site. Strangely enough through detective reasoning and/or insite I believe I know who you are.
For me a lot of the time it seems that death is a real option to be considered (funnily enough it is the fear of failure that keeps me alive, and a massive phobia of pain), I hate to hear people bandy it around as some sort of joke solution.
That sounds like a similar place but I don't think it is the same place (I hope that didn't sound bad I just believe that people can't know what others feel unless they go through it and they can't go through it because noone experiences things the same, we can only empathise with the fact that we may have experienced something similar, I hope that makes sence).
Lies is what saves people from seeing past my mask. How many times have you been asked "how are you?" and you respond "I'm fine" when you are not. I am quite open and honest on-line but I am not sure if I would be so honest IRL (this is something I worry about alot)
I have read a lot of self help books. I hate you, don't leave me, Stop thinking, start living, My life as a side-effect, and The art of happiness. I am also currently reading Man's search for meaning and Reinventing your life. I have done extensive research online and am a member of an online support group (http://blueboard.anu.edu.au/). So I hope you forgive me wen I ask for some more infomation on this book before I rush out and read it.
Sin
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